purging

I have been obsessively purging everything I own these past few days. Two weeks ago I had an emotional meltdown. I like the term "nervous breakdown", although that is not a bona fide DSM IV diagnosis. Things were so black, I couldn't scratch my way out of the heavy darkness, and I teetered on the edge of psychosis. Thank God for valium. So now, a week or so later, I am going thru the motions. And I am obsessed with ridding the world of excess. At work today, I was driven to organize, to sort, to shred, to destroy. I wonder if this is how a person behaves when they believe they are not going to be around, like people who are dying or who are planning to die. I'm not suicidal. But I understand that drive to cleanse the world of all that is not pleasant, to make sure that all is as orderly as it possibly can be. Now I am putting one foot after the other, just like I tell my patients to do. And I know it will get better. But for now there is comfort in purging.