President's Day 2

Home today with nothing to do. Just got back from my shrink, went through a box of tissues. He pointed out that the events leading up to my recent meltdown had created a "perfect storm". He's right. He's a good therapist and that is hard to find because I am also a therapist. I think all therapist should have their own safe person to talk to, preferably a psychotherapist.

Anyway, the events leading up to now did create a perfect storm. And I am still cleaning up the damage. I've never had such a meltdown. So close to the precipice, so dangerously close to the edge of reality. I now have a better appreciation for the term "losing it". I just about lost "it". I hope I never tumble that far down again. I'm like an airplane: Much of the time I'm flying just above the treetops and sometimes fly higher, just beneath the clouds. Late December I crashed. The airplane is fixed now but we're still working on getting it fully functional.

So much to be thankful for. I tell my patients to write a "gratitude" list to help pull them up when they are depressed. I could be living in a 3rd world country. We have good jobs, a comfortable home, our children and grandchildren are healthy, we are both in relatively good health..... So much to be grateful for.

Shrink recommended getting my butt to the YMCA for exercise today. Funny thing about depression: exercise and activity are the best remedies, but when one is depressed, the last thing a person wants to do is exercise and be active. It's a catch. So maybe I'll go to the Y today. We'll see.

I feel like I'm in limbo: we've decided to move to Oregon, but no jobs posted as yet. And then I have to wonder, will I be strong enough for a move? Can I do it? All I know is that I need to be closer to my children and grandchildren, my cousins, my family, my home. Oregon. I need to go home. I've been away for 13 years and yes, I know things have changed. But I need to go home. I am an Oregonian and always will be. I am not an Iowan. There are some good things about Iowa, yes. But Iowa is not Oregon. I need to go home. Like Dorothy in Wizard of OZ ..... I want to go home...I want to go home....I want to go home..... but I don't have any red slippers.